Walking These Motherhood Streets

My journey into motherhood was marked by a series of unexpected and intense physical challenges that left me bewildered, in pain, unhappy and frustrated. I was dying for those months to pass; this was definitely not the experience I expected nor wanted.

The First Few Weeks:

It all began in those early weeks when I had yet to realize I was pregnant. I didn’t even think about it was possible. I was plagued by an inexplicable and excruciating pain that gripped my body relentlessly. For three long weeks, I silently endured the torment.

The Revelation:

The turning point came when I finally decided to visit a doctor to figure out the source of my agony. It was then that I received the life-altering news – I was pregnant!!! As I grappled with the shock of this revelation, I messaged ‘the man’ and informed him. While I was waiting to wake up from this reality, this man went out and bought a small sculpture which represented man, woman, and child…I didn’t even know how to take that, I guess he was happy, and I was definitely not happy, so I was not as hyped as he was. The only thing I was ready for was elevating to the next level in my career.

Daily Struggles:

My pregnancy came with a lot of challenges. The pain I felt throughout knew no bounds. When I walked, I felt pain, when I sat, I felt pain, when I got up, I felt pain, as a matter of fact I had to bend when getting up and had to stay bent over most times for a few seconds to a minute before I could straighten up because it was so painful. Walking up any stairs was my personal hell, driving, something I had taken for granted, became a painful endeavour, forcing me to give it up for the most part of the pregnancy. My feet began to swell at around four months, which was an added discomfort, leaving me with no choice but to wear my big ugly purple crocs everywhere, yes, I said everywhere with every outfit (feel free to laugh at that imagery).  

Getting ready in the mornings became an ordeal; there were many mornings where I could not move or had to go back into bed for a couple minutes before pushing myself to get ready to go to work. There were days where I couldn’t lift my feet an inch off the floor, I remember my sister having to assist me with putting on my under wear, she literally had to put it on the floor while I summoned the strength to take my legs up half a inch so she could help me get it on. The lack of sleep also took its toll, as I was constantly battling pain, causing me to sleep lightly and leaving me perpetually tired. At night, I would often find myself awake, unable to escape the discomfort that seemed to be my constant companion. The pain was beyond bearable at times, I broke down in tears a few times at work and mostly at nights.

The Unbearable Itch:

One of the most maddening aspects of my pregnancy was the severe itching that plagued my entire body.  At times, the itch was so unbearable that I would find myself scratching my skin raw. It was a cruel reminder that my body was going through a transformation, one that frustrated me and did not feel like a miraculous journey.

Reflection:

As you can imagine, from all that has been shared here, my journey through pregnancy was far from easy. I have no idea how I managed to function or smile through the pain especially while on the job. Noone had the slightest clue what I was going through physically. The physical was bad; however, my mental and emotional state was something else, still is…I will get into it with you next.

Reflecting on what has happened I recognize that my journey was also one of incredible growth and strength. It taught me greater resilience and showed me that I was capable of enduring more than I ever thought possible. Motherhood, I learned, is not just about the joy of bringing life into the world; it’s also about the strength and determination it takes to bring them into this world. Would I do it again? At this moment the answer is a resounding NO, I am too traumatized to even think about it.